


Finding Myself (With You By My Side)

by RigbysLesbianMun



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Because yes, Big Hero 6 AU, Eventual Hiro Hamada/Tadashi Hamada, Gender Dysphoria, Hamadacest - Freeform, Heterosexual relationships, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Sibling Incest, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Trans AU, Trans Male Character, Transgendered Hiro Hamada, Unrequited Love, Violent Thoughts, that does need a tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-05-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 14:18:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3293531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RigbysLesbianMun/pseuds/RigbysLesbianMun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hiro is a unisex name; perhaps his deceased parents somehow knew he'd grow up confused. From the time he was a small child, trying on his brother's clothes, screaming and crying whenever their Aunt Cass tried to put him in dresses and skirts; he had always known a day would come where he'd have to face himself. This story is set after Hiro has openly come out as a male, Tadashi cutting his hair when it grows too long and quite proud to say he has a little brother - Throw in romantic feelings and Hiro begins to question not only himself, but everything. How could he possibly get over how he felt towards his brother? Accepting a date seemed like a good first step for the sixteen year old.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a teaser of my first Hidashi story, just to see the response honestly. It started off as a rp idea with Arin and I, but it really took on a life all it's own once I started writing. I hope you enjoy it and please know that any and all feedback it appreciated and I love you guys.

There was once a time where Hiro couldn't look at himself without feeling nauseous; such degrading emotions simmering underneath the surface to the point where one lost breath and one wished to tear themselves apart. Maroon eyes now looked at his reflection with steady eyes and a chin held up, it wasn't perfect, but it was a start. It was his starting point in believing in himself and becoming what he was meant to be. He owed it all to his brother to be honest.

Tadashi took it in stride effortlessly, researching all kinds of things to help and even going as far as wasting time and money to make him more comfortable with the way he looked. There was no way he'd have survived all the changes he was going through if not for the older raven.. But he supposed that's something his brother has always done.

Going out of the way to help was his life goal, his entire future was made up to help others. It was one of many reasons why Hiro looked up to Tadashi so much. He was everything a perfect human being should be: respectful and kind, stern yet caring, strong but loving. He was balanced in every way, even handsome and intelligent; there wasn't a negative thing Hiro could ever find in his brother's personality. Although it drove him insane at times, it's also what made him love his brother.. More than anything and one.

And deep down it struck a nerve; a raw disgusting piece of himself that he just couldn't shake away. He should have grown out of it by now, this obsession grating shrilly against his mindset in such a manner he's had to be extremely careful around his brother. It was once called looking up to; a respectful and sickly innocent attachment that was born from the older raven practically being Hiro's only source of social activity, a role model that he continuously strived to be. Shouldn't he have grown out of that by now rather than fixating on how much he'd enjoy intertwining their fingers together? How much different it'd feel to have the older male's mouth somewhere other than the top of his head?

Shaking his head almost violently, the boy genius averted his eyes from that train of thought. Baka! Tadashi didn't deserve anything unclean in his life and that included his little brother's stupid incestuous tendencies. Which was why the smaller raven was checking himself over in the mirror, ruffling his hair with new clean clothes on. A long-sleeved dress shirt even instead of his regular tee and hoodie and somewhat decent pants matched with black converses versus his normal brown ones. He finally accepted a date with Leo.

He was a nice enough guy, though some may argue that fact just because of the dyed jet black hair that's tipped in crimson with matching piercings in his lip. Snakebites, if Hiro remembered correctly. Even his eyes people saw as dangerous.. Switching from green to blue, sometimes a brown speckled iris instead, Hiro had to admit they were quite intriguing, some might even call them alluring. You really couldn't judge a book by its cover, especially when it came to the back alleys, everyone had a past.. Something to get away from or achieve.

They meet during a bot battle before he had even entered one, was just watching in the sidelines and Leo struck up a conversation - even went as far as to show Hiro the quickest escape routes from the cops. He was almost always at the same fights as the other, they've been friends for going on three years now, never outside of bot fighting of course, but.. Still. Leo even knew about him transitioning, more than perfectly okay with it actually, didn't hesitate with switching pronouns and that was.. It was nice. Plus the flirting only seemed to increase after that, so a little sweet talk may have also been a factor in his decision.

Hiro never agreed to go out before mainly due to the fact that Leo was four years older than him, halfway through being twenty as well as the thing about being hopelessly in love with his older brother... But now that he was sixteen, the younger raven was beginning to realize he needed to force himself to move on. Tadashi would never return feelings like that, it was selfish to even want him to, he deserved a wife and a family from all the good he's put into the world.

Adjusting his clothing one more time before brushing his teeth, he headed back to his bedroom and glanced at the clock curiously. His brother should be home soon.. He wanted to explain he had a date yesterday, but Tadashi seemed truly exhausted so he had let it go. The nerd never had any rest granted to him with how often he stayed up working up designs or doing homework. But Hiro would be out late tonight, he wanted to have his brother's blessing at the very least. Leo promised to bring him home before eleven and even offered to introduce himself to 'The Legendary Niisan' if needed; although the raven wasn't sure that was a smart idea just yet.

Having no idea at all how the other would react to this kind of news was causing anxiety to claw low in Hiro's diaphragm all the same. The twisted part of him hoped Tadashi would get upset, forbid him from dating though the other half of him, the much more sane part, knew his brother wouldn't say such things.. Perhaps only demand to the meet the person? Congratulate him for becoming a man or something nearly as stupid.

All thoughts stopped at the sound of footsteps climbing up their stairs, nerves causing the younger raven to tap his foot on the carpet while staring at the room's entryway. Lean muscles shifted beneath the taller raven's clothing, ball cap blocking a shaven face for but a moment before hazelnut irises found his own maroon ones with a smile that relaxed his entire posture.

"Hey knucklehead, what's got you so fancied up?" Came the simple question, Tadashi casually walking over with a grace unbeknown to himself as he reached a hand out towards Hiro to pat down a stray lock of hair. Looking up at his carefree brother, the smaller male just offered a tiny smile back, shrugging nonchalantly while watching the older male head to his side of the room to put down his bag.

"Well.. Actually, I was hoping to talk to you about that? Are you busy because I don't want to interrupt, buuutt..?"


	2. Misunderstandings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter because of all the lovely feedback I had!!
> 
> There's some angst in this one, and one cuss word, I apologize.
> 
> I'm thinking the next chapter I'll make it Tadashi's point of view?? Let me know what you guys think about that or I'll just keep it in Hiro's point of view!
> 
> Much thanks and kisses for all of you!! If ya wanna know what bike Leo has, just google images of a R1200ST

There was a microsecond pause before the older raven faced Hiro and spread out his arms in such an inviting and vulnerable way in front of him. Maroon irises following the crinkles that so handsomely adored around the edges of Tadashi’s lips and eyes, a smile effortlessly easing its way across his face. “I’m all yours; Gogo helped me finish up my homework before we even left the lab today. Wasn’t too terribly much to do, soooo.. What’s up, my favorite little brother?”

Ah, those words always caused a flare of aspiration to wash over his self-esteem. It did take his older brother quite a while to get the hang of correct pronouns when Hiro had first came out about it, but he couldn’t blame his brother for it. Tadashi had practically raised him, how could he know how his little brother truly felt about it all until Hiro had finally accepted he was in the wrong body to start with? It took longer than he liked to think about honestly, he’d most likely knew before the age of fourteen and just disregarded the thought and feelings. There was so much happening between the ages of ten to fourteen; between all the advance placement classes and IQ tests, skipping past grades and being rejected by his average classmates, and then graduating high school at the mere age of thirteen. Not to mention this was also around the time where his eight years older brother had begun immersing himself into college work, not forgetting about Hiro, but still just out of reach.

Honestly, he didn’t like thinking about those days all too much. Hiro was one who never had many friends growing up, was never really given the chance and when he did finally think he might have one, they were much older where Aunt Cass found the need to chase them off or they just wanted to pick at his brain. It was confusing back then; to watch Tadashi so easily gain everyone’s attention and make friends day after day while the younger male continued to think something must be flawed within himself. Yeah, he was genius, but what exactly was that worth when he couldn’t even understand emotions, let alone himself.

“That’s good; maybe you can finally rest up that nerd brain of yours, huh?” Hiro chuckled, moving to smooth out his rumpled bed sheets just so his hands had something to do. His nerves quickly making a comeback now that he knew the words he’d been thinking about all day were about to come out. “But um, yeah.. I might possibly have accepted a date for tonight and I just, you know.. Wanted you to know! His name is Leo and I’ve known him for a while, mainly in bot fighting, I’m not going to lie about that, but yeah.. He’s twenty and relatively funny, promised to make sure I’m back before eleven tonight too and uh.. Tadashi? Are you okay..?”

When he had eventually glanced back up, said male was staring at him with slightly widened eyes, though the rest of his face was rather blank; arms now back at his sides. Tadashi was so still it was almost unnerving. Did he make a mistake or maybe..? Then unexpectedly his posture changed, within a blink of an eye the college male laughed, face smoothing down into a rather happy expression.

“Well I do wish you would have told me sooner, we could have gone clothes shopping or maybe you could have introduced me to this Leo before suddenly telling me you’re going out with a guy I know nothing about?” Running a hand through his hair and resting it on the back of his neck, Tadashi smiled with a click of his tongue. “When is he coming to pick you up? I can’t tell you no to a date, you’re old enough, but you will have to check in every thirty minutes and I need to know where you’re going. I know you’ve grown up a lot, but after all the times you’ve nearly gotten arrested I can’t just promise to let you go out without some preamble here.”

Every word the other spoke dampened every little thing he’d thought his brother might say or do after hearing the news. He knew, I mean, Hiro didn’t expect Tadashi to get mad or tell him no but this was almost worse. Tadashi still didn’t trust him? The smaller raven frowned slightly, he hadn’t gotten in trouble in over six months and that was actually always because Leo was there to pull him out. After that night where the older male got arrested from rescuing him two years back, Hiro’s tried very hard not to rely on his older brother mainly because that accident just barely got expunged from Tadashi’s record. He should have stopped bot fighting after that night, listened to his brother and finally did something useful, but he just couldn’t. Why should he go to college, it’d be no different than high school. Tadashi being distant and with friends which whom Hiro didn’t know, he’d be ‘the boy genius’ again and he hated knowing that fact. In the ring, the back alleys, he was Hiro and that was it. There were no titles, barely even pronouns and he could be free to do whatever he pleased with people that accepted him as is, no lies and betrayals. Tadashi just didn’t understand those facts – Those simple facts that made Hiro feel something other than abnormal, made him feel _understood_ and _wanted_.

“Seriously Niisan, what are you going to do if I don’t check in? GPS track my clothes again and hunt me down, ruin any chance of me maybe having a semi-normal life?” His tone was harsh, defensive as he crossed his arms over his chest with a small scowl directed up at his brother. All he’d done these past two years is try to allow Tadashi to branch off and become his own man, tried to distant himself so his brother could focus on his studies and not notice just how bad Hiro was suffering through his own mind. He battled to unleash his bottled of emotions, fought hard to make sure the older raven wouldn’t have to risk his scholarship from the nerd school for him again. This was what he got for _trying_ to be a good person?

A flash of irritation spanned over Tadashi’s face before he sighed heavily, throwing his hands up in the air before turning to his bed and unpacking papers and textbooks. He spoke then, low and unusually calm while keeping his back turned. “You know what, Hiro.. Just go. You know I only did that to help protect you; you don’t need to hold it over me. I know what I did, I know it was an evasion of privacy, but you didn’t give me a choice at that time. I’m trying to let you live a normal life, I’m trying more than you could possibly understand, yet you just make everything so _difficult_.”

“I’m difficult, huh?” was the mumbled reply, Hiro purposefully forgetting to pick up his phone and only moving to pocket his wallet. If that’s how it was then he already knew how Tadashi must feel – a rebelling little brother, nothing more. Whatever, he could play like that; if he was so difficult then he’d just make sure not to bother Tadashi at all. “Fine, I’m leaving, but don’t expect me back home tonight. I’ll just spend the night with Leo, I’m sorry that I’m too fucking stressful for you to handle.”

Snapping wasn’t how he wanted this conversation to end, but the smaller raven was so done with pushing down his feelings every single time his brother entered the room. He was exhausted of trying to be that good naïve child Tadashi and Cass saw him as, drained from how hard it was to _not_ yell at them both and tear at his hair – To just scream at them until his vocal chords were a bloody mess and perhaps then they’d understand how messed up he was inside. One thing after another hit him as life went on; he didn’t receive breaks from the torment that plagued his brain. The agonizing truth of being born the wrong gender, his outrageous adoration for his brother’s affection, the crippling mindset of being a genius that never quite seemed to stop processing every little nick and cranny of his life – It was draining.

Tadashi’s voice followed him as he ran down the stairs two at a time, a stinging sensation behind his eyes alerting him to just how much he was feeling as he sprinted out of the café. Leo was to pick him up a block away from his house where they usually met up, the other always more than willing to allow Hiro on top of his motorcycle and proceeding in telling him to hold on tighter and tighter. The thought of older male did cause his breath come easier, slipping into the darkness that the alleyway right before their meeting place was in order to try and calm down.

This wasn’t what was supposed to happen.. And he was nearly twenty minutes early from the time they had set to meet up.. Hiro just hoped that Tadashi wouldn’t spend the next hour or so looking for him. It was wrong of him leave like that, he supposed, but he just.. He wanted to forget everything for a while.

Upon hearing the familiar roar of the model R-1200 ST bike slipping around the corner and pulling to a stop, an easy grin slid across his lips as he came out from the shadows to watch hazel eyes pinning him where he stood from the raised visor of the other’s helmet. Gloved fingers reeved the engine once before his other hand raised up to motion the smaller raven closer. With permission, Hiro walked over and took hold of the second helmet that was buckled to the side of the motorcycle before shifting to swing a leg over the bike with practiced ease.

“You’re usually late Hiro, what had you rushing here so quickly, huh? Our reservations aren’t even for another hour,” was the slick response the raven received, voice sounding of motor oil and smoke laced with the alluring taste of honey.

Sliding on the helmet, arms tightly slipped around the much broader male as he rested his chin slightly on the other’s shoulder. “I’ll tell ya later, but it’s cool if I spend the night though, right?”

The rumbling chuckle didn’t escape his attention as Leo kicked off the ground with a small shrug. “Whatever you want, man, how could I ever say no to you anyways?”


	3. The Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, life hit me really hard these couple of weeks so I gravely apologize for my lack of updating normally. Hit some rough spots in my personal life that seemed to snag a couple stressful relations at work as well as home..
> 
> Here's the next chapter and I hope it flows alright, I wrote half of this with a terrible writer's block even though the story line is laid out completely in my head.. Does that even make sense??
> 
> ANYWAYS, sort of a filler chapter this one is, show a little more of Hiro's mysterious date guy and learn his intentions and such. Tadashi makes a lovely appearance with the Nerd Gang next chapter while the plot thickens, so hope you guys are looking forward to it!!

“—that was when I left the house because there was just not a chance in hell I was staying there with him any longer than I had to.. Seriously! How could Tadashi be so freaking intelligent and dumb at the same time? I just, ugh.. I couldn't. I can’t go back there tonight, Leo. How can he not trust me, like.. You know?”

There was a reddish glow illumining the jazz restaurant the two males currently occupied, crimson light seeping in and out of shadows while soft instrumental music played from the band on the small stage in the corner. It was a popular hangout for the north side bot fighters to come and relax, a place where all could take a breath and calm their more violent urges with hookah and gossiping conversations. A guy who went by Drachen owned the place; a square jawed German who could make anyone wet themselves by a mere glance. Hiro was honestly surprised Leo got them into Drachen’s place considering the guy rarely took in outsiders that he had yet to meet before and he was pretty darn sure Leo and himself hadn't officially met the German.. It was something he’d ask at a more appropriate time later on.

They sat near the entrance in a rounded booth that could most likely fit six people, the older male leaning heavily against the smaller raven’s side with his head lying upon Hiro’s shoulder while his feet were propped up in such a manner that he took over more than half of the large booth. He didn’t really complain, the biker always had a habit of being touchy-feely and it was barely ever sexual either – It was almost like Leo craved human contact if he was being honest. Hiro sat facing the band, his right hand restlessly dragging through dyed locks while ranting off what had happened with his brother to explain why exactly he was early rather than late. This was one reason he had agreed to test the waters out with none other than this pierced hazel-eyed male practically laying upon him; it was just too easy to forget reality and be allowed a few moments of peace without worrying over his appearance and voice and just.. Just be himself.

“Look, you have gotten into quite a bit of trouble throughout the years, so you can’t exactly blame the guy for being over-protective of you, but yeah.. Yeah, I get where you’re coming from. You also gotta remember your perfect Niisan ain't a mind reader either, have you told anyone other than me about all these fucked up feelings you've been having?”

Hiro clicked his tongue down at the slouching other, pulling at said other’s hair sharply before smoothing it back out when he received the pained hiss as expected. “Don’t be like that; you know point blank why I can’t say shit to my family, especially Tadashi. Plus, I don’t need you giving me advice in that department, aren't we on a date right now? Don’t lecture me on feelings, you pedophile.”

“Mm, could have fooled me, my little lamb~ You’re the one talking to me about your brother while fingering my scalp,” came the snickering response. “I just assumed you were giving me such kind attention for my flawless advice and oi! Sixteen is considered a legal age in the courts, it’s barely four years and plus, you’re incredibly mature for your age, Hiro.”

“Ha, really? Flawless my ass.. You wanted to know so I told you. Oh shut up, you know I’m just messing with you, I know its legal now, but it wasn't when you started flirting with me at the age of fourteen. What did you have planned besides this place anyways? It’s barely nine and we've been done with eating for nearly an hour now.”

Leo shrugged, ignoring a retort before baring the tanned skin of his neck by leaning back further against the other to grin up at the younger male, teeth looking for a mere moment sharper than normal. “I did just call you a lamb and I’m just a simple lion, perhaps I was hoping you’d be my dessert tonight?”

Pink quickly dusted over Hiro’s cheeks at the remark, pushing the leather wearing male off completely with a somewhat nervous laugh. What on, gah! He should have known, a near pout crossing his features. “Oh shut uupp! I was being serious you freaking carnivore!”

“And what if I was being serious too..?”

Maroon eyes blinked once, then twice, then once more before curiously glancing up and over at the now sitting up male. Leo’s eyes were determined though not forceful, he was never forceful even though he came off rough and barbaric at times. Heat coursed through him and for just a moment he saw Tadashi sitting there beside him – But his brother didn’t hold near the same expression as Leo did now. This is what he had wanted, right? To move on and snuff out his silly affections towards his elder brother and here it was.. This was it, the choice he’d make all on his own on whether or not to throw himself head first into the future or stay binded to the past.

“Hiro..?”

His name was whispered so softly it seemed to drift away and become one with the music that was softly surrounding the restaurant’s atmosphere. There was hesitation, but the genius’ hand soon enough found Leo’s own, intertwining their fingers slowly. He cared for the other in nearly every way as he did his own brother; there was hope swirling in his chest that this could become something more – Perhaps stronger than the love he felt for his oblivious brother?

Taking a deep breath, Hiro nodded when feeling the other’s hand squeeze his own with a silent question. The raven hadn't even realized he’d closed his eyes until he finally exhaled and opened them to reveal Leo just inches away from his face. All thoughts came to a screeching halt, lips parting slightly in surprise, though he did not pull back when the distance was gently sealed. Hazel and maroon locked together as Hiro’s first kiss was slowly taken from him, a light trembling beginning to overtake the smaller frame at how many nerve endings he could feel sparking – Who knew just a press of lips could feel like that?

It lasted all of ten seconds before Leo broke it in favor of wrapping his muscled arms around Hiro’s lithe frame and burying his face into the crook of the raven’s neck with a deep inhale. They were quiet for a few minutes minus their soft breathing; a smile creeping across the younger’s lips as he allowed the older male to latch onto him. It was nice, glancing around the restaurant filled with a light mist – from the hookahs most likely – and seeing no one paying them any mind in this kind of scene.

Running a hand soothingly up and down Leo’s broad back the smaller raven leaned in to nestle against the other’s own neck. “Hey.. Can we go to your house now? I mean, n-not to do anything, but you.. You know?” It was entirely less poetic than he imagined, speaking out loud like that, gawd.. Could he be any more of a virgin?

A rumbling chuckle followed his question, said male pulling back with a nodding grin that creased his brow and slendered his squarish face. “Heh, yeah.. No pressure though, I just really wanted to kiss you. Just let me know if it’s okay if I do it again?” He replied while taking out his wallet placing enough money on the table to cover their meals as well as a generous tip; standing up with a hand held out.

Hiro’s blush only darkened, smacking the hand away as he also stood up, though a tad more hastily. “Haha, very funny.. You know I could have paid for my own meal, I told you that yesterday. And um.. Also, it’s okay,” came the almost shy response. Licking his suddenly dry lips before rolling his shoulders back to stretch out his bunched up muscles, he followed the grinning biker back outside to the chilly evening. “You can kiss me whenever you feel like it.”

“Ah, the Fechin speaks so freely in such a darkening world, hm?”

Both ravens shot their heads up at the rather gruff voice that came from a few cars over, a dimly lit cigarette being the only source of light to give any indication of the voice which whom spoke. Hiro grew stiff, hand automatically moving to his pants pocket that held a switchblade, feeling the cool metallic there calming him just slightly. Opening his mouth, unsure of his words but knew he needed to talk before Leo stepped in front of him with a slight tilt of his head.

“Ah.. No need to fear kleine. I apologize for spooking you, but I mean no harm, especially in my own parking lot.”

Leo gave a curt nod, slipping a hand through his hair and over his neck with a somewhat carefree laugh that caused the younger raven to furrows his brows confused. “Drachen.. I should have known you’d be the one to startle my date when he was finally beginning to show interest in making out with me.”

A chuckle escaped the mountain of a man, it sounded rusty as if the man’s body wasn't accustomed to that action. Reaching a hand out, Hiro gently touched the back of the other’s arm with a frown, “Hey.. How exactly to you know him? I meant to ask earlier but now.. Now seems like a good time.”

“Oh? I thought I had mentioned my foster parents to you before? The ones from Europe that raised me here?” The answer was so clean cut and simple that it had Hiro gaping like a fish out of water, eyes quickly switching back and forth between the two men he clearly didn't know anything about.

“I’m sorry I just.. Yes? You mentioned something about that once like a year ago, about your parents dying when you were young, but you.. You never told me your foster father was Drachen! He’s the leader of the northern backways, such a king of bot fighting that he doesn't even have a controller for his robot, has bloodied men left and right for cheating, even just for being rude –!”

He raised his arms up and waved them slightly, about to continue when Leo bent down swiftly to capture the smaller raven’s lips. It was harder than their first, a tongue pushing past shocked lips to taste the insides of his mouth and fuck if his knees didn't weaken.. Who knew that actually happened? Calloused hands found their way over Hiro’s arms and up into his unruly locks, bending his neck to deepen the kiss and slowly pull out a gasped moan from the other.

Once the raven could feel his flush spread down his neck and along his collarbone, the biker pulled back with a slight nip at his bottom lip while a thumb caressed Hiro’s warm and rounded cheek. “Please.. I’ll explain everything to you, but for now can I have your arms wrapped behind me on my bike? Or would you rather me.. Drop you back off at home?”

There was a slight haze clouding his thought process, but he tried to think rationally about this. Why should this change anything? This man that just took his breathe away was still Leo, the same guy he’s known for years, just because his foster father was a rumored madman didn't mean this man beside him was. Inhaling through his nose, Hiro slowly exhaled with a nod, “I’d like to leave to your place. It.. It was shocking, but I also most definitely do not want to go back home.”

“Wie süß,” the accent was thick in the shadowed man’s voice, watching the man straighten up from the car he was leaning on and walked back towards the restaurant with a hand up in a dismissal wave. “Be good to him, Leo, I look forward to meeting the boy who’s captured your heart properly one day.”

Blinking away confusion, it was his turn to see Leo avert his eyes. Was he.. Flustered? A smirk slowly crept its way over his lips before nudging the leather clad male, “Sooo… What about my arms around you while riding at dangerous speeds?”

“Anything to help you get closer to me,” came the quick response with an exaggerated wink. The soft smile crossing his face shone gratitude in hazel eyes for the younger male not questioning his father’s last words, grasping Hiro’s hand gently and taking them over to his motorcycle.

Hiro couldn't deny how nice this was, cheek pressed against a solid back that radiated warmth and understood him down to the core; wind carding through his hair while rippling over his clothes like water without the wetness. It was such a free feeling, like he was on top of the world where nothing mattered.. It was during their thirty minute ride across town to Leo’s place that he realized something rather odd, though.. Pleasant.

Drachen had called him a boy. Drachen had acknowledged him as the correct gender without a hint of sarcasm or scorn; spoke with more endearment than anything and that spoke volumes against all the rumors he had heard over the last couple of years. That was the man who raised Leo.. Was that where Leo got his open-mind from?

He’s spent years beside Leo and knew nothing, if tonight proved anything, it was that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gomen for adding another oc, but HE ADDS TO THE PLOT LATER ON SO HE WAS NEEDED and in case my lovely followers don't speak German here are the translations Drachen spoke!!
> 
> fechin - "little raven"
> 
> kleine - "little one"
> 
> Wie süß - "how sweet"
> 
> I love you all, WORKING ON NEXT CHAPTER!! <33


	4. Tadashi's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tadashi's point of view - And the reason this story has a heterosexual tag.

‘Stupid, you’re so freaking stupid,’ came the hurried thoughts of one Tadashi Hamada. Head buried into his hands, fingers twisting into maroon locks and pulling at random times; the brunette chastised himself. He could have handled that so much better, why did his chest need to constrict and tighten as if twine surrounded his heart meaning to slice it? This day was bound to come, rationally he knew that and had thought he was prepared for it – Dating meant his brother was moving up and into a more normal life, that’s what he wanted, right?

Mumbling to himself, the college man sighed loudly while falling back onto his bed to stare at his ceiling with a partial glare. Selfishly, a part of him never wanted Hiro to grow up. It wasn't much of a shock when the smaller male finally decided to open up and admit he felt like a male. Tadashi was surprised it didn’t happen earlier though Aunt Cass may have had something to do with that.. She was quite determined to keep Hiro a female. She’s better now in understanding, but it was a difficult year for the entire family between himself going to college and Hiro throwing tantrums at every corner with Cass not knowing how to handle either of them. He knew what Hiro looked like naked from years raising the genius; helped find the correct binders and misleading clothing to help un-curve the brunette’s growing body, but not once did he stop loving Hiro – neither did Cass, though she was uneducated for a long time before accepting it. And yet they all managed to survive it, their tiny family much more nurturing and together than they had been.

Or perhaps.. Tadashi just really longed to believe such a simple statement.

He knew better than anyone that they’re family wasn't perfect – It hadn't been for a long time. Often there were times he cursed the world silently for taking away his parents, for taking away the chance for Hiro to ever get to know them. It was difficult being a mother and a father figure both at such a small age; placing his entire body and heart it making sure Hiro felt loved and wanted. Aunt Cass had always aimed to do her best, but she lost her sister and got thrown an armful of kids she had no experience with. She tried and tried, Tadashi would never say anything negative about their aunt, but at times of high stress he sometimes blamed her.. Sometimes even blamed his brother, his parents.

It was distasteful, leaving behind bitter distain skimmed across his teeth. Truly, the raven hated allowing himself to think in such a way, he prided on being the best. Hiro’s number one, perfect protector of a brother; to make sure his sibling was always happy. When exactly had his instincts to be a parent twist into something much more disturbing? A kind of mortifying thought process which gave way to floodgates of humiliation and shame down to his very bones. What kind of person would dare to even consider such carnal ideas towards a family member, an intermediate and same gendered one at that?

After his night in jail from trying to save Hiro’s skin from another round of thugs wishing to beat it, his little brother pushed him away. There was a so-called trial with the brunette’s university after the incident; the rules were very clear on ‘trouble makers’ at the school and even one night in a holding cell made a huge uprising with the board members. Tadashi nearly lost his scholarship that week.. If it hadn't of been for Hiro being his brash and idiotic self he might have actually been kicked out of the school. The little knucklehead practically broke into the meeting room and begged, in front of the entire educational staff, that he’d take responsibility as long they kept his brother – explained that this school was the bridgeway to making his older brother’s dreams a reality.

It was a moment Tadashi held very dearly. Because of that undying loyalty he was allowed to stay under the conditions he didn’t cause trouble or wind up getting arrested again – It also happened to be the beginning of their gradually growing distance. The raven stayed out later, spent more time in the garage than in his own bed, he developed black smears under his eyes and rougher hands; even his nonstop rambles stopped and no matter how much the older male attempted to shorten that distance Hiro shoved him back into a corner.

At first, the thought of Hiro knowing his closest held secret was petrifying, but as time went on the college boy realized that couldn’t be right. Hiro still sometimes wound up on the wrong half of the room and would crawl up right beside him with whimpers from nightmares. He’d even only allow him to cut his hair, only his nii-san could do it correctly apparently. They were still brothers, Hiro didn’t flinch from his touch or ever act disgusted like he would if he had truly found out.. So he kept up the act of being the perfect older brother, one that didn’t wish to only have Hiro for himself.

Letting out a deep sigh, all the brunette could do was finish up some work, sleep, and hope that Hiro was smart enough to know what the heck he was doing with this Leo guy. Closing his heavy lids, the brunette lay on top of his covers without worrying about changing out of his jeans, just removing his long-sleeved shirt and tossing it near his laundry basket. Staring up at his ceiling for a moment, he cast hazelnut irises towards the empty bed opposite of him before turning completely the other way. Where would worrying get him? Having Hiro despise him, ending up back in a prison cell, disappointing his deceased parents? Shutting his eyes tightly, it took an hour or so of silent ordering to finally get his body and mind to cooperate into allowing him some peaceful shut eye.

Waking up a few minutes before his alarm, Tadashi went through his morning routine as usual. It was no longer rare to not see Hiro when he awoke, most of the time the boy didn’t return home until noon and then he’d sleep the afternoon away. It was different this morning though, knowing he was the real reason the raven hadn't yet returned. Staring at his reflection in their shared bathroom, a toothbrush hanging from his lips, his eyes widened as it he’d seen another person there with him. He had not mean to upset his brother by sounding as if he didn’t trust him, he knew the other could take care of himself and he was the truly selfish one in the equation, but this.. Hiro went on a /date/.

Wh-What if he rebelled, what if his little brother got taken advantage of or worse – willingly allowed this new guy to take him as an act of adult to a hot-headed teenager? How did he not think of this last night; was he so enrapt within his unrequited feelings that he failed to see it from a guardian’s point of view? The thought of his brother laid out below a faceless man.. It caused red to twinge his vision as he quickly ran down the stairs with his bag, even bypassing Aunt Cass to swiftly make his way to school. He couldn’t deal with these emotions, his blood was near boiling point.. He needed to see the gang, to have their words soothe him back into a caring older brother and not an insanely jealous partner – Not that he even was one.

Reaching the university, he parked and locked up his moped before heading up to the Nerd Lab like any other day, though his hands trembled slightly as to his emotions running wild inside. Walking it, Tadashi blinked at only seeing Leika in there wondering if maybe he had come earlier than originally thought.

“Yo, Gogo, where is everyone?”

The Korean turned with a pop of her bubblegum before giving a playful smirk along with a shrug, “Who knows, I everyone went to Fred’s last night, remember? You said you had to get home, so most people are hungover, real question is why are you here so early?”

“Ah, that’s right! Sorry, I had an, uh.. Interesting evening actually, so that slipped my mind,” came his simple response.

Blinking down at the other, he noticed she had moved into his personal space and blushed even before feeling her hands grip his sweater and pull him down to connect their lips. It was deep, his hands easily finding familiar holds onto her hips while their tongues slicked against each other messily. Gasping when it finally broke, he chuckled at the straight forwardness before kissing the top of her streaked in purple, raven locks.

“Yes, good morning to you as well, what exactly was that for this early?”

“What? It helped you forget about last night for a little, didn’t it?”

“Ah.. Well, I suppose so..” he mumbled while averting his eyes, though a smile slowly slid over his lips. He appreciated having Leika try and help him, they started doing this kind of thing a few months back after they got drunk at one of Fred’s house parties. They cared for one another, but it wasn't romantic in the least – they were just both in love with someone they weren't allowed to have which led them to this. They spoke different names in bed without judgement and cradled each other’s heart when they began breaking again.

“We probably have another hour or so before the rest of the gang gets here.. Is it about Hiro again, did you want to talk about it or just... Forget about it?” She spoke carefully, taking the brunette’s hand and leading them into the male’s personal lab so they could sit down and talk in a slightly more private area.

Following the female willingly, he sighed and gently squeezed Gogo’s hand that lead him before pulling it away to put his things down. Did he honestly want to talk about it? Wouldn't that just do the opposite of what he wanted – it’d most likely make him upset talking about it.

“Nah.. Well, I mean. I guess I kind of know how you feel now,” he replied; noticing the arched brow on the other’s face, he elaborated. “Hiro went on a date last night, it.. It surprised me, it was very sudden and I said some things I probably shouldn't have. But either way, he left upset and purposefully left his phone. It’s… How do you put up with seeing Honey Lemon every day when you know she’s dating Fred? I thought it was difficult keeping my feelings hidden when it was just him, but now there’s.. There’s another guy and I don’t even know what he looks like, let alone how he actually treats Hiro. I just—“

“Tadashi,” the firm voice cut him off with a furrowed brow. “Deep breathe, in and out, you have to relax and think this through rationally.. You’re supposed to be good at that.

“Look… It’s not easy. We both knew that far before either of us even admitted our feelings to ourselves. Life sucks, we don’t always get what we want and we just have to deal with the next best thing: their happiness comes first. I've never seen Aiko happier than when she’s with Fred.. And that makes me happy, she deserves someone that can care for her and only cause her tears of laughter. Don’t you enjoy seeing Hiro’s grin and hearing him talk about the things he enjoys? That’s it… That’s all we’re allowed to have. Maybe this guy Hiro is seeing knows about the transitioning and wants to be with him even still? You don’t know unless you bite your tongue and support the one you say you’re in love with – no matter how much it hurts. I’ll be here to help mend you back into a whole piece when it’s done.”

Tadashi stared, watched the other’s fists clench hard enough to leave her knuckles white and his jaw lock as she spoke and his anger slowly began subsiding. Taking slow movements, the brunette sat down beside the raven and pulled her to his chest with a weak smile. Everything that she said – It was for the both of them, he knew that, and she was right – He was stupid enough to fall in love with his little sibling while she was foolish enough to fall in love with her best friend. Neither of them could truly be with the ones they cared for and that’s why they usually found themselves like this a few times a week.

“The next time I see Hiro I’ll talk to him, I’ll met Leo and I’ll do what a good brother is supposed to do… Thank you, Leika.”

She turned and buried her face into the taller male’s shoulder with a small huff. “Don’t thank me idiot... It’s why we do this, to make sure the other doesn't go off the deep end.”

Tightening his grip, they spent the next hour or so talking about random things curled up together until the rest of the gang came. Then the day passed by like any other, excitement and failed experiments, Tadashi concentrating on finishing Baymax. The day went by smoothly, Tadashi leaving to head home at an actual decent time for the second day in a row – he had to clear everything up with Hiro as soon as possible.

He greeted Aunt Cass once there, graciously taking a muffin she offered before kissing her cheek. Heading up the stairs two at a time, he unbuckled his helmet with a grinned at movement he noticed. “Oi, Hiro! I’m so glad you’r—“

The brunette stopped short at the obviously not his little brother standing near the center of their room. Green irises speckled with gray turned at him, a sharpened smile stretching across the stranger’s pierced face before lifting a hand in a silent wave. This man must be his age, maybe older, broad shoulders and just an inch shorter than himself.. This couldn’t be the one Hiro spent the night with..?

“Pleasure to meet ya acquaintance, name’s Leo. You must be the Legendary Nii-san, Tadashi?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowie, it took me a lot longer than I wanted to in order to write this chapter and I'm not sure if I did it justice;;
> 
> I probably won't do another chapter in Tadashi's point of view due to the fact I just suck at him, buuutt lots more up and coming because even if I'm slow at times do to personal/work life, I promised myself I'd finished this one.
> 
> Next chapter is what exactly happened during Hiro's stay at Leo's place and why Leo is at their place~!


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